It’s very easy in this age of social media to present a flawless version of events. It sometimes seems that nothing ever goes wrong and if it does there are filters and photoshop or enough spin to dry your clothes. We all know this is rubbish, but often we find ourselves falling for it. And I’ll admit that whilst I am very well versed in the world of spin and word salad from my many years working with PR and fashion magazines, sometimes you just have to admit that you couldn’t do the thing as planned!
And this was much the case for my pattern Big Drop. At first, the design process for Big Drop had a very solid start. It was back in February 2023 that I started playing with Drop Stitch as an idea for a new collection. I remember discussing it with my Mum and she was most approving of my ideas. And as I had 3 skeins of 4ply yarn just waiting to be used, it seemed fitting that my Drop Collection would start with a one skein wonder that would become Little Drop, and a two skein beauty: Big Drop. I drafted up the patterns, I completed Little Drop and then it was time to cast on Big Drop.
When I visited my family for Easter 2023, I was still knitting the first sample for Big Drop. I’d already decided that I may need to make adjustments to the pattern and change the yarn to something either slightly lighter or heavier in weight, but Mum kept looking at it and saying, “I really like that!” And that gave me an idea! I’d knit Mum the new version for her birthday in October and I’d launch the pattern around the same time.
Now as we all know yarn buying can be an expensive hobby in itself and following my house having a series of unfortunate maintenance events, I had to divert some of my business yarn fund which would have been a risky had I not had a brainwave. I had yarn tied up in neglected pattern samples that were languishing in a crate (you can read about my Yarn Reclamation Project here). I decided that I would use one of these yarns (a slightly denser feeling 4ply) for Mum’s present. And now that I’m in the right place to write about it, you can read about this version of Big Drop: my first Yarn Reclamation Project next week.
I started the Yarn Reclamation Project on July 20th 2023. And it still seemed like the plan for my Big Drop pattern was progressing swimmingly. But without knowing it, the plan was about to be derailed.
At this point we knew Mum had become anaemic due to the particular cancer she had and whilst she was already being treated for the anaemia, it was apparent that this needed to be stepped up. And in the first week of August this commenced. My sister was due to go away before the August Bank Holiday and as a precaution asked if I would house sit so that I was close at hand to assist with Mum’s appointments if necessary. For some reason I didn’t buy my train ticket then and there, but, knowing that Mum was fed up, I accelerated my plan to complete this new version of Big Drop in time to take it with me when I travelled back home. And as of the evening of August 16th, my revised plan was still on track. I finished knitting it and was going to block it over the weekend so that it was ready for travelling a week later.
On August 17th, Mum passed away unexpectedly. And despite rushing to be with her from the moment I received the phone call to say she was dying and hoping I would get there in time, I was too late. It’s strange the things we do in moments like this because I still showed her a picture of the shawl when I saw her, even though I knew she couldn’t see it. I think she would have liked it.
For weeks after I was determined to finish writing up the pattern and launch it as planned on Mum’s birthday. I had also decided that it would join The JEE as one of my charity patterns (you can read about these here). Getting the pattern ready felt like the thing I had to focus on. The problem was I couldn’t look at the shawl I’d made for her, nor look at my notes without crying or wanting to scream. The shawl was eventually rolled up into a bag and it stayed there until yesterday morning.
Mum’s birthday came and went, but as the new year rolled in, I decided I had to publish the pattern. But still not being to look at the existing shawl meant I needed to knit a new sample. I’d already bought some Drops Flora, a lovely wool/alpaca blend yarn, for my 24/25 charity pattern, Lady Thistledown. Realising I’d ordered too much once that design and pattern had been drafted, I also realised that I no longer had an excuse to put off knitting a new Big Drop sample. Except I did! Because it wasn’t just the sample that was upsetting me. I realised I couldn’t publish the exact pattern that I’d used for Mum’s shawl. I needed that to stay Mum’s and another new version had to be drawn up.
And so thirteen months after I cast on the first sample of Big Drop, completely unaware of how life was about to change irrevocably for my family, I am finally ready to launch this knitting pattern tomorrow. Compared to its design journey, the pattern is so simple to knit with its alternating stocking stitch and drop stitch sections. And given how fun and relaxing it is to knit, this is the perfect summer knitting project. As for the shawl itself, it look fabulous as well as being so so light and airy, but with that promise of keeping away the chill of a summer evening. And if you add a bit of sparkle to your yarn choice, you’ve also got an amazing special occasion accessory too!
For all its trials, though, I love this pattern. And knowing that, for every sale of this pattern going forward, 50% of the proceeds will be donated to cancer charities makes me love it just that little bit more.
Happy knitting!
This is so beautifully written, and I know exactly what you mean. I was working on a design 2 years ago when my dad suddenly died and I haven't been able to take it out of the project bag since. Our memories become so inextricably linked to our projects don't they.
Sorry to hear about your mum. Great to know about your shared interests and the journey of this design. It turned out beautiful.